John's Other Blog

A Divided House

G.I. Gurdjief talked about the internal disunity in people. He
said we are houses with many competing masters and that we need to
find a magnetic center that can be the big smart part of us that will
become the master of all the other smaller, dumber parts of us.
Robert S. DeRopp wrote a book about this challenge called The
Master Game

I have intuitively agreed that this must be true, but have never
developed a sophisticated understanding of the multitudes of
chatterers who inhabit my aging palace.

This afternoon when I went for a walk I thought about five of them.
One of them tries to be loved, and another regrets not being loved.
I've noticed that when the one who tries to be loved reaches out to
someone and is disappointed with the lack of a response, the other one
who regrets not being loved steps out and recites reminders of many
examples of similar rejections, and also brings along a bag of sadness
that would, if opened, contain countless other examples not yet
recalled in this episode.

The other three are all arguing about my employment options. One
of them, who should be called the proud one, doesn't think the work I
do gets enough respect and is constantly telling me I should stop
doing it. Another one, whom I will call the field rabbit, wants me to
keep doing that work because it is safe and secure, even if it is
nothing to be proud of. That field rabbit would be happy with just
about anything as long as it paid the bills somehow and kept me warm
and safe.

The third one is the eagle. This eagle wants to fly and has no
respect at all for the field rabbit. He doesn't even want to think
about pride or social standing. He's the big eagle and he's fine
without any social validation, thank you very much. He wants to step
outside all of that. He also wants us to get out of that safe little
bunny hole and fly everywhere looking and learning all about
everything while shrieking a brazen cry of defiance.

The field rabbit reminds the eagle of all the times he's been
batted back to the ground by big fearsome paddle nets that he couldn't
understand, when the big brave eagle was put in his place and forced
to crawl back into the bunny hole, trembling with pain and terror in a
way most unbecoming to an eagle.

While the eagle and the bunny are having this conversation, the
proud one has nothing to say. He's very very proud, but you'd never
know it to look at him because he's such a quiet meek little fellow
and shows no signs of any pride.

He secretly wants to sit on the eagle's back if the eagle can only
be brave enough just to get up and go in spite of everything, but he
doesn't want to say anything because he doesn't want to get blamed
when the eagle gets his feathers burned, He thinks that is bound to
happen sooner or later. He's proud, but he's been chastened and he
knows. He should know better than to be so proud, but denies the memory of being put in his place. Gurdjieff called this denial a "buffer."

posted by johncgreen@gmail.com @ 4:53 PM